It's been an amazing few months and I cannot believe how blessed I am to have been a part of Onetribe this past year. I have made amazing friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, and I can say without a doubt that I am not the same person I was before having come out to AZ. I have so much more to say about everything I've experienced, but I'll save it for another time...
Since most students from Onetribe are on their summer break, I was given the opportunity to venture out of Flagstaff during the summer and stay for a month in Many Farms, AZ and a month in Whiteriver, AZ. Currently, I'm in Many Farms and am staying in a house next to a small Baptist church on the Navajo reservation under the mentorship of Pastor Al and Charlotte Campsen. The three weeks that I have been here have been so heartwarming. I am learning a lot about, well, a lot of things. And again, I have so much more to say about what I've learned within just the three weeks that I've been here, but I'll save it for another time.
Already, I'll be changing up my place of stay in the next week and a half and I cannot help but feel this deep pull in my heart wishing to stay here a bit more. I've met some amazing kids and I just want to be around a while longer to continue building relationships. But I trust that God knows in full omniscience where I should to be. My frustration to this "nomadic" lifestyle makes me excited, though, for when I will find a place and community that I can commit my life to, where I can live and love like Jesus lives and loves.
This one boy (who is SO DARN CUTE) asked me with some heartbreaking puppy dog eyes, "Uno, when are you leaving?" GAH!!! I wanted to pull his head into my stomach and hold him tight and scream, "NEVER!" Sigh. I made a video of some of the things that I've have been up to with the church and kids here and I want to share it with you all so you can see a glimpse of why I love this place so much!!!
Nancyana is that first girl you see with the messy pizza sauce hands. She is too precious for words. Last week she sat by me and was hanging on my arm and pulled her face up to me and said, "Last night, I was so scared I couldn't sleep. Then I prayed to God and HE GAVE ME JESUS!" lkfjals;dkfja;lskdjfaldskjf Another time she asked Pastor Al to bring her to church and he said, "Nobody is there right now. What're you gonna do when you get there?" And she replied, "Smile."
:)
(click on smiley to view video)
Here's a verse that I have been meditating on since I first arrived in Many Farms: "Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest." - Matthew 9:37-38
God is God, God is good.
<3uno
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Sunday Thoughts
Pastor Paul was preaching. My thoughts turned to a friend. I had high hopes of really getting to know her this semester. In fact, when the semester first started we had a pretty good heart to heart and even made plans to get together every week to figure out who Jesus really is. But the following week I asked her when she wanted to talk again and she never got back to me. When I asked again the next week, no response. Which is ok. I thought it better to back off and let her know that whenever she wanted to start up the convo again we could. So instead of having face to face interaction I decided I would take to actively praying for her.
NAU's spring break was approaching and she was gonna leave early to get as much home-time in. She's told me that when she's home there are certain people that she cannot say no to. When they ask her to drink this, smoke this, she'll do it to let them know she's right there with them. So I prayed, "God, please just let her be so bored by all these other things that she'll crave You. Let the things that she finds so much comfort in crumble till there can only be You." Honestly, I just want to see her Love God more than anything else and that's where these prayers stemmed from.
Then the earthquake happened in Japan, and tsunami warnings were sent to where she lives. In the end, thankfully she was not affected by a tsunami.
That following Sunday I was in church and listening, but when the pastor mentioned the earthquake my mind kinda drifted. Which brings us back to the top, where my thoughts turned to a friend. Here's what I wrote in my journal/diary after church about some of my thoughts:
Pastor Paul was preaching. My thoughts turn to this friend and the tsunami scare. I wonder if it has affected her? Has it caused her to become serious about her life and about God? I thought about words I could use about the tsunami warning as a tool for in a way scaring faith into her. Then I heard in my heart, "The gospel isn't about fear - it's about hope and life. Light in darkness." I realized suddenly fear and manipulation should never be the tools of ministry. Yeah, sometimes bad circumstances are what awaken us to new life, but Christianity isn't a twisting of the knife of our human condition, Christianity is a restoring, redeeming and healing of our wounded condition. God's kindness is meant to draw us to repentance - Romans 2:4.
And then for some reason I cried. HAHA, ohhhh of course I did. I'm not exactly sure why, if it was for shame or joy, cos in that moment I think I felt a little of both. But man, in my own life, fear and manipulation have played such a big role. First of all, I am Korean. Second of all, I grew up in the Korean Church. I recognize that I have been both the inflictor and inflicted of fear tactics used for manipulation to attain specific results. I feel a little sick to my stomach when I recall some of the moments where I've done this and am thankful God allowed me to recognize this specific area of fear and manipulation this past Sunday in such a real and tangible way. God, continually release these tools of folly from my own hands and further me along on the path of FREEEEEEEDOM! [end journal entry]
To close, as I was writing all this down, I got a movie flashback: Ben.freaking.Hur. If you haven't seen this movie, please do. In the movie, a Jewish prince is betrayed and sent into slavery by a Roman friend and once attaining freedom only lives for revenge. The Kingdom of God does not consist of talk but of power, and the Gospel is not fear and manipulation but is itself life and light. Here are the last lines of the movie, after Ben-Hur witnesses the crucifixion of Jesus:
Judah Ben-Hur: "Almost at the moment He died, I heard Him say, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." Even then. And I felt His voice take the sword out of my hand."
NAU's spring break was approaching and she was gonna leave early to get as much home-time in. She's told me that when she's home there are certain people that she cannot say no to. When they ask her to drink this, smoke this, she'll do it to let them know she's right there with them. So I prayed, "God, please just let her be so bored by all these other things that she'll crave You. Let the things that she finds so much comfort in crumble till there can only be You." Honestly, I just want to see her Love God more than anything else and that's where these prayers stemmed from.
Then the earthquake happened in Japan, and tsunami warnings were sent to where she lives. In the end, thankfully she was not affected by a tsunami.
That following Sunday I was in church and listening, but when the pastor mentioned the earthquake my mind kinda drifted. Which brings us back to the top, where my thoughts turned to a friend. Here's what I wrote in my journal/diary after church about some of my thoughts:
Pastor Paul was preaching. My thoughts turn to this friend and the tsunami scare. I wonder if it has affected her? Has it caused her to become serious about her life and about God? I thought about words I could use about the tsunami warning as a tool for in a way scaring faith into her. Then I heard in my heart, "The gospel isn't about fear - it's about hope and life. Light in darkness." I realized suddenly fear and manipulation should never be the tools of ministry. Yeah, sometimes bad circumstances are what awaken us to new life, but Christianity isn't a twisting of the knife of our human condition, Christianity is a restoring, redeeming and healing of our wounded condition. God's kindness is meant to draw us to repentance - Romans 2:4.
And then for some reason I cried. HAHA, ohhhh of course I did. I'm not exactly sure why, if it was for shame or joy, cos in that moment I think I felt a little of both. But man, in my own life, fear and manipulation have played such a big role. First of all, I am Korean. Second of all, I grew up in the Korean Church. I recognize that I have been both the inflictor and inflicted of fear tactics used for manipulation to attain specific results. I feel a little sick to my stomach when I recall some of the moments where I've done this and am thankful God allowed me to recognize this specific area of fear and manipulation this past Sunday in such a real and tangible way. God, continually release these tools of folly from my own hands and further me along on the path of FREEEEEEEDOM! [end journal entry]
To close, as I was writing all this down, I got a movie flashback: Ben.freaking.Hur. If you haven't seen this movie, please do. In the movie, a Jewish prince is betrayed and sent into slavery by a Roman friend and once attaining freedom only lives for revenge. The Kingdom of God does not consist of talk but of power, and the Gospel is not fear and manipulation but is itself life and light. Here are the last lines of the movie, after Ben-Hur witnesses the crucifixion of Jesus:
Judah Ben-Hur: "Almost at the moment He died, I heard Him say, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." Even then. And I felt His voice take the sword out of my hand."
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
How It's Been
Hello Friends,
So, I found it really hard to write anything here the first few months of being in Flagstaff because I think the newness of everything made it really hard to get a grasp on anything. In fact, I can honestly say that during my first few weeks I felt pretty out-of-body and disconnected. Also, personally in my life I was in a state of kind of being an inward person (even more so than I already am) and wanted time to strengthen and rebuild my inner-person with just me and God. Here's the short version: it's been pretty dang good.
Here's the somewhat less shorter version (since the long version would be like... a book):
Before coming to AZ, I tried to make a list of expectations about what I would like to see happen/change in me during my time here. A few of my things got stolen in November, including my journal, so I don’t have that entire list with me, which is alright because honestly most of what I wrote were things i thought would be nice rather than things I genuinely sought after. Fortunately, I do remember the one thing on the list that I was really serious about: to be certain of the things I believe. I think that God has allowed me to get to that point, or at least get further along in that point. Throughout my time in AZ, all these experiences meshed together to bring me to a place where I can simply be certain of the things I believe.
Just to name of a few of these experiences:
- Going out to the rez and experiencing what I believe to be an encounter with a demonic spirit, which re-instilled in me in a different way than before the belief that the spiritual realm does exist and that I can choose to be either in the dark or the light. It's that simple.
- Meeting people who have just completely given themselves as servants of God, namely Pastor Al and Charlotte. They are an old southern couple who have been serving on the reservation for 30+ years. I got to hang out with just them for a weekend and they were just so fun to talk to and hang out with. And geez-louise, they are so humble and obedient to God. I hope God continues to bless them.
- My upper-classmen girls' small group. Sometimes we'd be reading a passage and they would actually moan and say "STOP, STOP READING. I CAN'T HANDLE IT!" That has been really refreshing and encouraging to experience.
Well, certainty has manifested itself outwardly in my everyday actions as surrender and obedience to God. I find that now I really try my best to be accountable to at least what I know is what God wants from me, even in the littlest and dumbest ways. For example, I don’t speed anymore on freeways. And I don’t illegally download music or movies. Like I said, dumb and little ways, but it’s a big change for me as someone who did these things for years without a second thought. This goes deeper within as well, it has changed the way I choose to react and respond outwardly and internally to various situations. What I love most, and recognize as God’s activity in my own life is the fact that I do these things not because I want to be a “moral” person, but because I want to honor God through ways that I know, especially in the things people can’t see. And it makes me so happy that I can do these things in the secret of my own heart (I guess it's not so secret now that I'm putting it out on the internet...heh). I don't usually do things unless it makes sense to me or I find the desire within myself, just ask my parents... they know this about me. So believe me when I say that It wasn't easy to get to this point of surrender. I mean, geez, streaming movies online was so harmlessly convenient and so... FREE (for me), you know?! I know there's so much more work with my flawed and fallen self that needs to be done, but I'm so grateful to be at this point. I hope the connection can be made between a lifestyle of integrity and my having become certain of the things I believe.
Like I said, I could write a book. But I'll leave it with this "less shorter version." I know that I came to AZ to serve and pour myself out in whatever ways I could, but I can't help feeling that God led me here a little bit just for me as well. God is God, God is good.
So, I found it really hard to write anything here the first few months of being in Flagstaff because I think the newness of everything made it really hard to get a grasp on anything. In fact, I can honestly say that during my first few weeks I felt pretty out-of-body and disconnected. Also, personally in my life I was in a state of kind of being an inward person (even more so than I already am) and wanted time to strengthen and rebuild my inner-person with just me and God. Here's the short version: it's been pretty dang good.
Here's the somewhat less shorter version (since the long version would be like... a book):
Before coming to AZ, I tried to make a list of expectations about what I would like to see happen/change in me during my time here. A few of my things got stolen in November, including my journal, so I don’t have that entire list with me, which is alright because honestly most of what I wrote were things i thought would be nice rather than things I genuinely sought after. Fortunately, I do remember the one thing on the list that I was really serious about: to be certain of the things I believe. I think that God has allowed me to get to that point, or at least get further along in that point. Throughout my time in AZ, all these experiences meshed together to bring me to a place where I can simply be certain of the things I believe.
Just to name of a few of these experiences:
- Going out to the rez and experiencing what I believe to be an encounter with a demonic spirit, which re-instilled in me in a different way than before the belief that the spiritual realm does exist and that I can choose to be either in the dark or the light. It's that simple.
- Meeting people who have just completely given themselves as servants of God, namely Pastor Al and Charlotte. They are an old southern couple who have been serving on the reservation for 30+ years. I got to hang out with just them for a weekend and they were just so fun to talk to and hang out with. And geez-louise, they are so humble and obedient to God. I hope God continues to bless them.
- My upper-classmen girls' small group. Sometimes we'd be reading a passage and they would actually moan and say "STOP, STOP READING. I CAN'T HANDLE IT!" That has been really refreshing and encouraging to experience.
Well, certainty has manifested itself outwardly in my everyday actions as surrender and obedience to God. I find that now I really try my best to be accountable to at least what I know is what God wants from me, even in the littlest and dumbest ways. For example, I don’t speed anymore on freeways. And I don’t illegally download music or movies. Like I said, dumb and little ways, but it’s a big change for me as someone who did these things for years without a second thought. This goes deeper within as well, it has changed the way I choose to react and respond outwardly and internally to various situations. What I love most, and recognize as God’s activity in my own life is the fact that I do these things not because I want to be a “moral” person, but because I want to honor God through ways that I know, especially in the things people can’t see. And it makes me so happy that I can do these things in the secret of my own heart (I guess it's not so secret now that I'm putting it out on the internet...heh). I don't usually do things unless it makes sense to me or I find the desire within myself, just ask my parents... they know this about me. So believe me when I say that It wasn't easy to get to this point of surrender. I mean, geez, streaming movies online was so harmlessly convenient and so... FREE (for me), you know?! I know there's so much more work with my flawed and fallen self that needs to be done, but I'm so grateful to be at this point. I hope the connection can be made between a lifestyle of integrity and my having become certain of the things I believe.
Like I said, I could write a book. But I'll leave it with this "less shorter version." I know that I came to AZ to serve and pour myself out in whatever ways I could, but I can't help feeling that God led me here a little bit just for me as well. God is God, God is good.
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